I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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