i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
