just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
