Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize