WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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