so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
