Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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