i think my mom watched the whole time
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They took my balls.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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