I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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