i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
