apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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