:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
