just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
