I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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