If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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