Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
