OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
