Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
