So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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