that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im holly from the hills drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
