I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Me too!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
