I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Couch. On fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
