so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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