***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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