Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
