i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to make out with him forever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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