I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
