The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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