She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
