WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
