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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
