Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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