i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
