I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
