How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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