this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize