a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
