you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
