What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
