dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize