I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
