i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
