Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
