There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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