i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
