I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
