they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
