i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
