My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm passing your future prison.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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