:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
