Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
