Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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