If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
