i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
