My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
