She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
