Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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