I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
