So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
