You're my little dorito
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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