i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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