on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
