Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
