So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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