We won't sleep together?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
