some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
