sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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