Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
