More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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