i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize